Dating Coach: Why ‘Dear Jane’ texts are so hurtful

Dating Coach: Why ‘Dear Jane’ texts are so hurtful
Photo Credit To Dreamstime/TNS

Don’t you just love technology and the way your cellphone can text someone anytime from anywhere? Making plans is so easy via text or email. You can do it quickly and efficiently without spending hours on the phone gabbing about the same things you’d talk about anyway when you got together.

It seems as though texting has also become the modern way of ending relationships in the 21st century. It’s the new Dear John/ Dear Jane way for ending the connection with someone you’ve been dating.

Instead of a letter, it’s now done with a text. I know because it happened to me when I was dating. I met a man named Matt online. He and I really hit it off. It’s embarrassing to admit, but he was the first guy I ever dated where my knees nearly buckled when I’d see him … he was one gorgeous hunk to look at.

Our dating relationship was easy and fun. We could talk for hours about anything and everything. He was one of those guys that knew when something was wrong just from hearing the sound of my voice. I thought that was pretty cool!

I traveled a lot during our short time together. We kept in touch over the phone and in our last conversation, he told me how much he missed me and how he couldn’t wait until the next time we’d be together. So imagine my surprise when I arrived home two days later and received this text:

“Hi, Lisa — I’ve enjoyed our time together, but I feel we got too close too fast. I really like you, but I need some space. I’ll call you in a few weeks. Matt”

I was stunned, and I was pissed. I had no clue why he was blowing me off when only days earlier, he had professed such care and concern for my well-being. But blow me off he did and in the most impersonal way possible. I was hurt and emotionally devastated. I texted him back hoping he would tell me why he was ending our relationship. Of course, he didn’t answer. Sadly, texting has become the new way to break up.

For the person who wants to split, it’s easy and drama free. Never having to answer the question: Why? No seeing or hearing how the breakup may have hurt someone’s feelings. Just a quick goodbye and the relationship is done. For the person on the receiving end, it’s tough. There’s no closure, and you have no idea why they wanted to end it.

If this happens to you, the best thing you can do is close the book on this chapter of your dating life. Don’t stalk him on Facebook. Don’t waste your energy waiting for him to call you again. Instead get back out into the dating world and look for someone who’s a better fit for you.

As hard as it is to get a Dear Jane text, keep in mind that when one door closes a much better one can open. I know it did for me and it can work for you too!

Lisa Copeland, “The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!” Find out more at

Post source : Lisa Copeland/ (TNS)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *