I love joining computers with clients so we can look at men on dating sites together.
My clients have told me how helpful this is because often times I can see men who would be a good fit they might have passed over.
Recently I was working with a client who happened to live in my area and as we were scrolling through pictures of men, I noticed a familiar face.
This man had contacted me over 10 years ago using the same picture.
I recall giving him a name, “KFC Man.”
To this day, I remember exactly where I was and why I gave him this tagline.
We were talking on the phone while I was walking my dog in the park.
It was fall and the leaves on the trees were gorgeous shades of gold, orange and red.
I remember the smell of the earth and the crispness in the air.
And I remember “KFC Man” jabbering away about how he didn’t care what a woman looked like as long as her body was fit and toned.
As I’m listening to this, I’m thinking, “Is this guy for real? Does he think this alone will make him happy?”
I was mad that someone could be this narrow minded so when he asked about my body type, I told him my aide wheeled me up to the ‘KFC’ counter every day for my daily dose of fried chicken.
None of this was true but I could tell my words shocked him because for a full minute he went silent until I finally said, “Just kidding.”
10 years later, there he was,. back online – probably because no one could meet his stringent expectations of what would make him happy.
By the way, I know how frustrating it can be to go back on a dating site after a relationship has ended and see the same guys with the same profile and pictures that you saw posted years ago.
It makes you start thinking there are no good guys out there to date.
Ok, I gotta fill you in here.
There are a lot of really good guys on every dating site but right now, you probably can’t see them.
That’s because like the ‘KFC man’, you probably have a type of man you think will make you happy.
And like most women I speak with, chances are your type isn’t interested in you online.
But the guys who aren’t your type write you like it was their job, right?
Here’s something to think about.
If your type had worked in the past, wouldn’t you be with him now?
You’re attracted to your type because he feels good to you, as he should because you’ve lived with this type of man your whole life.
He may have had a different job or different clothes but basically, you’ve been dating the same type of guy over and over again with the same disastrous results.
The question is; how do you get out of this pattern?
You do what I call ‘Out of the Box’ Dating.
You try dating different types of men.
At first, this will take you way out of your comfort zone, so you’ll want to start slowly by changing one quality you usually look for in a man; maybe someone who has a different type of job, lives a bit further from you or is a little bit older or younger than your usual type.
By doing this, you open up the doors to good men who could be a better fit for you and who want to truly make you happy in a long-term relationship.
Try some new dating sites as well so you don’t see the same guys you saw five years ago.