How many hours have you spent looking at men online thinking this man is handsome but he’s just not my type? He’s not my religion, we live in different areas of our city, he’s too old, he’s too young, and the list goes on.
For me, it was guys who were extremely athletic. I thought of them as narcissistic and placed judgment on them for wanting their bodies to be super toned. My body is curvy in the right places, but I do carry a few extra pounds that I’d like to lose.
I was afraid of being judged by them, so I judged them first and totally knocked them off my list of possibilities.
In fact, in my first experience with eHarmony, they would continually match me with men who felt physical fitness was a No. 1 priority. I called and said, “could you stop sending me these types of men,” and they laughed saying I was the only person EVER to do that. I was worried about being judged for who I am, yet I was judging them for who they were. I was not “feeling it” in my comfort zone for sure.
Fast-forward about nine years. I am with a wonderful man who is very much out of my usual box of feeling comfy, both religious and age wise. In the past, I always chose to date certain “Male Types.” I loved them but was extremely unsuccessful in my relationships with them.
Because what I truly desired was a man who could shower me with lots of affection and attention and the type of man I was always choosing wasn’t able to do that.
The men I’d chosen in the past, were into their intellect, which stimulated my mind but not my body and soul.
The man I am now in a committed relationship with is very loving. He would do anything for me. For the first time, I am feeling really happy in a relationship. I’m not yearning for that illusive something that was missing in the past.
It took me going way out of my comfort zone of what I was used to so I could find happiness with a man.
To find happiness and contentment in a relationship with a man, you may want to go outside your comfort zone and try a different type of man than you are used to. When you think of the men you have dated or married, do you find a common theme, something in their personality or background that was similar in each one?
We create patterns, and we often continue following those paths even though they no longer work for us!
Tonight when you are browsing your favorite dating sites, take a look at five men you may have passed up because they did not fit your idea of the type man you thought you wanted. This can include men that contacted you, but you wrote off for not fitting your “What I Want in a Man Test.” Give yourself the opportunity to revisit them and see if there is anything that might now appear interesting to you. You may find yourself resisting these men -feeling a strong urge to go back to the kind of man that you are used to.
Keep in mind that what you are used to may not have worked in the past!
Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable and allow yourself to respond to one of these men you may have previously crossed off your list. I very much resisted the man I am with now. He is the one who persisted and thank God he did. I may never have experienced this kind of happiness, compatibility, and love with a man had I caved into my fears about being out of my comfort zone.
I’d love to see you find what I have found- a great man to be with. So get yourself online and look at all kinds of men to date. The worst that can happen is you have a coffee date that goes nowhere, but the best may happen. Maybe you’ll find exactly what you’ve been looking for but might never have tried if you hadn’t gone out of your zone of comfort.
Lisa Copeland, “The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!” Find out more at Findaqualityman.com.